Profiles and openers
Dating Profile Tips and First Message Ideas
What to put on your profile, which photos to use and how to open a conversation without wincing.
A good casual dating profile says what you are looking for in plain words, shows a clear recent photo of you and gives people one specific thing to ask about. A good first message picks up something from their profile and ends with a question. Keep both short, honest and without contact details.
Your profile
What a good profile says
Specific, short and true. That is most of it.
- What you are looking for. Healthline’s guide to casual dating advises saying so when you start seeing someone, because unclear intentions get awkward and confusing.
- One or two specifics. In a 2022 PLOS ONE study, 1,234 members of two Dutch dating sites, mostly over 50, rated real profile texts. Texts with concrete details about the writer read as more original, and original texts made the writer seem funnier and smarter.
- The truth, mostly. In a 2019 study of 94 online daters in New Media & Society, people who felt their date had misled them judged the first date less successful.
- Plain words and a little humour. A systematic review of 86 studies, published in BMJ Evidence-Based Medicine in 2015, found profiles were better liked when they stayed close to reality and used simple language with humour added.
Examples
Profile lines and what they tell people
These are generic lines, not anyone’s real profile.
| Profile line | What it tells people | Try instead |
|---|---|---|
| “Here for a good time, not a long time” | Fun is the aim, but not what that means or how often. | “Casual and kind: dates, good company, no pressure to label it.” |
| “No drama, please” | You have had some, and you are braced for more. | “Easygoing, and I’ll say so if something isn’t working.” |
| “I work hard and play hard” | The line everyone uses, so it tells readers little about you. | “Spreadsheets by day, dreadful karaoke by night.” |
| “Ask me about my worst holiday” | A sense of humour and a ready-made opener. | Keep it. Add one detail to ask about. |
Putting it together: “Midweek drinks, weekend walks and loyalty to a hopeless quiz team. I’m after something casual and kind: dates, good company, no labels. I’ll say so if it isn’t working, and I hope you will too.”
On Forget Dinner
The profile fields that matter
Username
Keep your full name, location and age out of it. Your real name and email are never shown, and RAINN advises a discreet username for the same reason.
What you are looking for
Casual, friendship and more. The daily match suggestions weigh the kind of dating each person wants, so an honest answer does real work.
Interests
Interests and beliefs feed the suggestions too. Pick ones you would happily talk about for an hour: they become your openers.
ID verification badge
Optional, and included with every membership. The Verified badge shows you have been through the check, and a live video check with a moderator needs no documents.
Keep these off your profile: surname, address, workplace, phone number, links and social handles. The terms don’t allow them. Forget Dinner is part of a network of partner sites, so their users can see your profile too. The safety page explains more.
Photos
Photos that look like you
In a 2008 study led by Catalina Toma, 80 online daters rated their photographs as the least accurate part of their profile. Pick pictures that look like you now: you’ll be sitting across from someone who’s seen them.
First messages
First messages that are easy to answer
The 2015 BMJ review found that the most successful invitations were short, personal messages that picked up something in the profile. Huang and colleagues found in 2017 that people who ask follow-up questions are better liked. So: notice, add, ask.
Notice
Pick one real detail: a place, an interest, a line from their profile.
Add
One sentence about you, or a light joke.
Ask
End on a question that takes one line to answer.
A photo location
“That beach looks windswept in the best way. Is it a regular spot or a lucky find?”
An interest
“Fellow quiz-night obsessive here. Which category do you secretly dread?”
A line in the profile
“You said you cook on Sundays. What would you make to impress, rather than to survive?”
On Classic you get a limited number of messages a day, so one thoughtful message beats a handful of hellos. When you’re ready to try it, chat with singles on Forget Dinner, and suggest a short, public first meeting once the conversation flows.
Before you send
What to leave out
- A bare “hey”. It asks the other person to do all the work.
- Criticism. The 2015 review linked avoiding criticism with chat that led to a meeting.
- Phone numbers and handles. A warning appears when someone tries to move the chat to another app.
- Pictures nobody asked for. In a Pew Research Center survey, 38% of US dating app and site users had been sent an explicit message or image they hadn’t asked for.
Profile and message questions, answered
What should I write in a dating profile?
Three things: what you are looking for, one or two specifics that show who you are, and what a good week looks like. Keep it short, positive and true. A 2015 BMJ review found profiles were better liked when they stayed close to reality and used simple words with a touch of humour.
How do I start a conversation on a dating app?
Mention one specific thing from their profile and ask a question about it. Short and personal beats long and generic. Follow-ups matter too: a 2017 study by Huang and colleagues found speed daters who asked more of them were likelier to get a second date.
What are good opening lines for dating apps?
Specific beats clever. “Your second photo has me curious. Where was it taken?” works because it shows you looked. Avoid copy-and-paste lines, a bare “hey” and remarks about someone’s body. Humour helps when it’s warm.
What are the best dating profile photos?
A clear, recent photo of you on your own, taken by someone else if possible, with a natural smile. Add one that shows something you enjoy. Skip anyone else’s face, which the terms don’t allow without permission, and check the background for clues.
Should I say I want something casual?
Yes, in plain words. Healthline advises mentioning what you are looking for at the start, because unclear intentions get awkward and confusing. On Forget Dinner the kind of dating you choose also feeds your daily match suggestions.
Write it once, then go and meet someone
Pick a username, say what you are after and add a photo you like.
Create your profile